Monday, October 13, 2008

Beresford Greene Speaks (Sixth fit)....

Another BLOGGING week has passed dear souls. The Autumn seems set to be and water vapour is everywhere again. The chill in the air reminds me of Friday evening where the purists would rather be cold & hungry than apply the services of the very noisy air conditioning. What is to be done? Suggestions that we sing louder are not well received by those with quieter voices. I have some serious suggestions: -

1) Those who arrive first and set up the tables, should also switch on the big wall blower thing so that the room is positively warmed through. Then see to it that it is not turned off, despite the increasing temperature, until we actually start the sing-around. This procedure needs to be repeated in the interval.

2) We bring a couple of electric fires to supplement the heating during the "quiet" period. Now it just so happens that we do have one suitable unit right here at home. However, we are, on most occasions, fairly well loaded, already bringing Brenda's keyboard, with all of its accoutrements, and at least one guitar. With the parking being what it is,.... OK I'll do it - BUT one heater isn't going to be enough. Please, someone, bring another electric heater. (NOT a blower fire - oh dear must I forever deal with ..... !).

3) Bring a hot water bottle - with the hot water already in it!.

4) If anyone does get cold, they must be encouraged to speak out and not just sit there suffering for our art.

5) Make sure that you have some warm clothes, jumper, coats, socks etc. Wear trousers. (Boys especially). Remember the old adage, to strip off is more alluring that total nudity - especially in my case!

Now if you didn't find the forgoing musically instructive, let me return to my more usual offerings. To sing in the right key is vital to most singers if they are to get the best out of their voice. More correctly, I suspect I mean in the best "REGISTER." No matter that the guitar doesn't play easily in your key. Get it done with a capo if necessary. In my case, because I have a very restricted voice range, it is important to the very semi-tone.
Some of you will know that I cheat a bit to get there, by altering the tuning of my guitar to suit. The reason that I do that is primarily as given above, but there are some winning spin-offs to the way that I do it. Last week some of you will have seen me give away a hand-out on this very subject. Whilst I could reproduce that right here now, I will decline to so do - unless there is a sudden demand for it. However, I have a few copies in my music bag - just ask me for one.

Moving on then. Sometimes I do get a little cheesed off with interruptions don't you. It isn't just the telephone either. Our musical endeavours are frequently interspersed with washing & ironing. These are 21st century musts that oughtn't. No one needs a shirt to be ironed unless dressed for dinner. A lot of my shirts are positively wrecked by ironing. Neither do they need to be washed so frequently. After all I am not doing much now. I am a retired gentleman of independent means. What do I want with beautification?

I received some SPAM the other day on the subject of love songs and the human condition. At the risk of being accused sexist, I wonder if you know the following. When it comes to heartbreak men just aren't the same as the girls. One way to describe this difference is the two hearts. A woman's heart, on the inside, is very tender. It is sensitive and empathetic. ...But women whose hearts were broken, recover in half the time it would take most men. A man's heart is totally different. The inside of a man's heart is even more sensitive than a woman's. Around his heart are walls of steel, like doors that slide open and shut, and only open for special occasions. These doors open when he is interacting with his children or the woman he loves, or perhaps in a spiritual moment. When those doors are open, a man is extremely vulnerable. During those vulnerable times, if someone hurts him or makes fun of him, those doors shut up very quickly. This is why men do not like to open up much - it's just too scary. When a man's heart is injured, he does not have the recuperative power of most women.

This vulnerability is what makes it so difficult for a man to sing in public and from his heart, so to speak. This is the reason he may prefer comedy stuff and children's nursery rhymes. This might be the reason why, if ever he gets started, he does not want to be interrupted by washing and bloody ironing!

Colin has mentioned PRS. This is another old chestnut that rears its head from time to time. It threatens to spoil the Folk Club style. It is a scheme to see that the original composer gets a reward for the use of his material. I think it was to stop other "professional" artistes making a spin off that was all their own. For "Professional" read one who sells his self professed expertise for reward. (i.e. money).
We don't do that - do we? Eh? I would always want to argue that we just publicise the work - for nothing! Ought they to pay US for that then? Some of these songs, especially the "traditional" folk stuff is like that parrot. Deceased! It just ain't seemly to expect payment forever & ever. In that regard there is some agreement, since copyright does run out - eventually. It can be renewed though I don't know the ins & outs of it. {Fifty to 100 years from the death of the composer maybe}.
Why is it that I can't build, say, a wall, a piece of furniture, an electronic gadget, and ask for a royalty on it for 100 yrs? That would beat the pensions black hole would it not?

GLOBAL WARMING WARNING! {Try singing that for this weeks vocal exercise}.
Brenda has just told me that she has braved the pain & had her assets frozen! Yes, she's put her money in the deep freeze. She was prompted to do this when she heard about the Icelandic bank that has refused to allow any more withdrawals. The commentator said it was in meltdown!
Not funny though is it. I think it rather looks as though the schemes & hopes of the many will be scuppered by this Sub-Prime fiasco. Ever wondered what "sub-prime" actually means? It means those borrowers with loan repayment delinquency. Well who's the delinquent here?

Coming soon:-
CUSTARD & DEMENTIA It's all on the increase!
Dancing & the triangular sandwiches
Solvency in kind
Cold & hunger

If I recover, I'll see yer Friday. Be there or be ......?


1 comment:

St. Anley said...

Six fits in as many weeks is somewhat worrying. I recommend that you seek medical attention, Berry. I know a man who does cut-price pre-frontal lobotomies.

However, hidden deeply within your literary meanderings are some serious pearls of wisdom. We don't want to lose those, do we? AND, however critical you may be, you are one of the few who take notice of my posts on this blog.

Many thanks, I am encouraged!
("Oh, no!" says Ken.)