Monday, May 4, 2009

Beresford Greene Speaks (Fifteenth Fit...)

Beresford Green. Man of Destiny


Obsessive/Compulsive Behaviour

Have you noticed how, over recent years, we have all got a lot savvier about the human condition? So much so that now, owing in large measure to various magazines and the university processing of our young, one's social success might depend in no small measure in having knowledge of some pretty awful psychiatric conditions.

Always good for a light hearted laugh is the use of "Tourette's syndrome" which seems to be a compulsion to swear out loud. "Oh B---s, I have to say B-----ks right now in order to be noticed. After I get over my anorexia, I'm gonna count all the telegraph poles from here to the High Street."

Of course these conditions have to be very severe in order to qualify, but one that affects many of us in a mild way is to do with fashion, and in particular, fashionable words & phrases.

We've had "INNIT" for a while now, but many years ago, when I first really noticed the human susceptibility or weakness for word fashion, it was "at this moment in time" that caught my ear as one might say. All my bosses were so affected. "Idiosyncratic" was another favourite for a time.

To get up to date, surely you cannot have missed the very latest propensity to be the first and most frequent to utter the word "PANDEMIC." To enunciate this right now demonstrates, yes in a single word, just how alive and "with it" one actually is.

Of course the sad thing is that we would probably do better to get this so called SWINE FEVER right now while it's in its milder form. If it should it return later in the year history has it that it will be much more severe and likely to be a mass killer.

Now I don't know about you, but I would say that having congestion does not help with my singing one jot. Smoking, however, helps very many with their singing voice. From Frank Sinatra, through Sammy Davis Junior to Matt Monroe, we might be quite amazed to learn just how many there are that employ this trick. Some very close at hand are quite unable to sing at all without a whiff of the weed at frequent intervals.

Now just to round off I want to try and be the very first to utter a particular superlative on the club BLOG. I am bequeathing this little gem to the world through this channel as I think you deserve to have some of the fame that you obviously crave. For you will be able to say with absolute truth that you were there at the very start of it. Pandemic will give rise to the new word or phrase: - "FILLI-CHOPS-NUBBER"

Let's see how it goes - eh!


St. Anley said...

Consider the following:

I am a virus. I don't need a cell membrane or organelles of my own. My nucleic acids (the very basis of my life-form) occupy, and replicate in, the cells of your respiratory mucous membranes. I am the perfect parasite.

Let's call me H1N1, and say I'm rather fond of bacon.

Now, Berry, I ask you this: "What is the point of my becoming a 'mass-killer'?"

When swine flu has eradicated all the pigs and the entire human population, I'll have nowhere to go forth and multiply, will I? That would be self-destruction!

I must place, via Noel Edmonds, a 'cosmic order' for a gene mutation that renders me more infective and less lethal to my hosts.

The goal of such 'intelligent design' will be to have the whole of humanity repeatedly uttering the phrase 'FILLI-CHOPS-NUBBER'!

Have faith! Humanity WILL survive in this unintelligable form.

Are we there yet, Daddy?!

Berrys Music said...

Did you see the recent documentry about Julie London? She was a good looking white jazz singer in the 1950's. Well she smoked! Yes this beautiful elegant cracker of a woman smoked! She even preferred to sing (and record) at night, presumably after a fully smoked out day; and she suffered from terrible stage-fright. TRUE!
Don't you dare speak to me with your mouth - you FILLI-CHOPS-NUBBER you.