Thursday, April 14, 2011

Foreign object

I ask, out of academic interest only: who was the clown who put a Comic Relief Red Nose in my guitar? And do they have any instructions on how to get it out? (I suppose I must be grateful that it wasn't a Giggler).

2 comments:

Dogsbody, Scrivener and Wretch said...

't-was not me!
However, I recommend the following guidelines for removal:
1. Use a powered jig-saw to cut a largish hole in the back of the instrument, but retain the material for re-use later.
2. Insert gloved hand into the orifice so-created.
3. Deftly feel around the interior of the sound box.
4. On discovering the offending item, squeeze briskly so that any residual mucus is expectorated.
5. Withdraw hand, still retaining that which you intend to remove.
6. At this point you will discover that the finger-flexion required to hold the red nose has made your hand too big to come back through the hole you made earlier.
7. Find a willing accomplice to use jig-saw and make hole larger.
8. Wrap severed limb in clean material soaked in iced water, or, if necessary, fill sound box containing the limb with ice cubes.
9. Elevate, and apply considerable pressure to the stump. (Do NOT apply a tourniquet.)
9. Attend your nearest A&E.
10. If the unlikely event of the above directions failing, remove all the strings.
11. Shake it all about!

Trust me; I am a bicycle maintenance person.

Musically Bent said...

I can only say that this could not have happened to a better person. My own solution would be acid! Strong acid would not only dissolve the unwanted object silently, it would also ensure the instrument is rendered germ free. No it wasn't me either. However, I did put some gun-powder in that guitar and superglue on the tuners. That always works for me.