Wednesday, December 10, 2014

An Advent Lesson ...

There are those who understandably advise that Dogsbody should not be encouraged.
Nevertheless, one correspondent has imprudently so-encouraged him to 'share humour and Christmas joy to a wider audience'.

(Blame Nigel!)

Here are some verses that may be found in the Second Book of Mother-in-Law, chapter the second ...

v.1 The Lord God Almighty did look upon Dogsbody with great favour, and He did command a wing-ed servant to bless him with a message.

v.2 And it did come to pass that, as if in a dream, Dogsbody did perceive a vision.
He was greatly afraid.
"Fear not!" sayeth the wing-ed messenger, "I bring blessings and glad tidings from the Lord."
Dogsbody did prostrate himself in repentant tears.

v.3 "The Lord hath spoken thus:" declareth the apparition.
"Well done thou good and faithful servant.
"Thou hast completed all the travails I have sent thee.
"I now require of thee a further task."

v.4 Dogsbody did tremble greatly.
"What's that?" he enquireth.

"The Lord commands thee to accommodate and provide hospitality for thirteen of thy wife's relations, spouses, common-law partners, offspring and stock, (to include two small people unrelated by blood and one mad dog,) for a celebration of the glorious salvation of humankind," replieth the divine emissary.

v.5 Then did Dogsbody, in great sadness and despond, creep away into the cupboard under the stairs wherein his wife did store fermented fruits of the vine ...

Thence was heard much weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth, hair-tearing and rending of clothes.

v 6. Mrs Dogsbody was greatly disturbed.
"What are you doing in there?" she enquireth.

v 7. Dogsbody did take the name of the Lord in vain.
"B***er off!" expleteth he ...
"I'm turning wine into water!"

Herewith I hope I have inoffensively shared 'humour and Christmas joy'.
Kindly understand that I will not indulge my friends with Christmas cards this year.
Alzheimers is my charity of choice.

1 comment:

La Jolie Guirlande said...

Dear Dogsbody, may many Christmas blessings be upon you....your suffering is indeed great!

Mrs Under Rabbit